Inspiration

I'm doing really great staying on plan so far with Weight Watchers. I know it's only been 2 days so far but it has been 2 successful days! So win! Also I had a previous 5 successful days on the program at work so I have been doing well in general for a week! Which is more than I can say for any weight loss attempt for at least the last 2 years so yay. :)

I plan on sticking with this. Well I dropped almost $300 on the plan the other day so I am obviously serious!

It's funny for the last little while I seemed to accept the fact that I was fat. That I wasn't going to look like those girls I envied. Well, that was stupid!!! No wonder I didn't get anywhere! I know with my frame I will never be like, Nicole Richie thin but good god I don't wanna be. I am aiming to eventually be somewhere in the vicinity of 125-130. We will see if that is plausible. I may get to 150 and be like "I'm thin enough". I am chesty and hippy so I have to take that into account. I certainly don't want to lose too much boob or my bf might die lol. One thing I know is that I want to have a flat-ish stomach. Not a 6 pack or anything but it's very important to whittle my waist down! Weight around your middle is the worst for potential health problems and that's where a lot of my weight seems to go so I am cracking the whip there.

Anyway I was just inspired today looking at some people on my Facebook who are about the size I want to be and thinking "damn if I keep this up by the time I am done I CAN look like that!"

I HAVE the potential to get my confidence back up because I am happy with everything but my weight. Once I start to shrink I can be on the road to being confident again. I know it won't be instant and that this is gonna seem like it's going to take forever sometimes but I just gotta keep my eye on the prize!

That being said, WW stresses the importance of focusing on small goals and I agree. So for now my goals are staying on program, attending my meeting (and maybe even a second one when I have time) and feeling good in the clothes I currently wear again. Cuz right now I can wear them but a lot are a little snugger than they should be. I want to get dressed in the morning and feel good again!

And just for the hell of it, here's what I ate today:

Right now I have 28 points to use in a day.

Breakfast:

-Weight Control maple and brown sugar oatmeal (1 packet) - 2 points

-1 cup skim milk - 2 points

Lunch:

-Lean Cuisine Club Pannini - 7 points

-Kashi Chewy granola bar (choc. chip and cherry) - 2 pts

Dinner:

- Uncle Ben's Fast and Fancy creamy mushroom rice (1/2 cup) - 3 pts

- 0.25 cup of skim milk (in the rice) -0.5 pt

- salad with romaine, peppers, tomato, cucumber and onion - 1 pt

-2 tbsp fat free italian dressing- 0 pt

- Highliner tempura fish fries (4) - 7 pt

- 1 tbsp ketchup - 0 pt

So that brings me to grand total of 24.5 points. They say we have to eat all of our points so I may have some popcorn later if I get hungry (full right now) and if I don't get hungry I'll have a glass of red wine.

28 points seems like a lot! Although by the way they figure it out when I lose 1 pound from where I am now I have 27 a day. So I won't be eating 28 for long. I do have to say though, I need mid morning snack or a slightly more filling breakfast because I am starving by lunch!!!

Anyway enough rambling for today. Hope all the other dieters out there had a successful day and are feeling as pumped as I am!

My WW Weigh In

Weight Watchers

So today I joined Weight Watchers. Like, I am actually paying for it. Well I paid for it one other time but just the online version and I didn't find that really did it for me.

There is a Weight Watchers headquarters about a block away from where I live now so I had no excuse not to. It's a little pricey but I got a bundle deal where I got 20 weeks + registration for $259 which isn't too too bad. I also went to a meeting and it was pretty nice. I like the supportive atmosphere and being around people who instantly UNDERSTAND me and what I am going through! Maybe I will even meet some new friends? That would be nice.

Anyway I am glad I did it. That plan through work was too regimented and I was really afraid I was not eating enough (considering I lost 4.5 pounds in like less than 3 days). I know I would have a hard time sticking to it because it just didn't fit with my lifestyle. But Weight Watchers I can do and it fits with my life. I can have a treat when I want one (within reason) which I couldn't with the other plan. Like for example my BF came over last night with a rented movie I had wanted to see and popcorn for us but I had to decline because it didn't fit into my plan. He got kinda sad which made me realize that I couldn't live on that plan. But I can with WW. So today I took the plunge and I am glad I did!

Once I pay off my credit cards I will invest in a few more things like a nice scale and a food scale but first things first.

My Story

I want to lose weight. Actually no, scratch that, I NEED to lose weight. I am at a point I never ever thought I would get to but here I am and here's how I am going to deal with it.

But first, I will start with a bit of my story. A story of my weight but also of my confidence.

I'm 24 years old. I've struggled with my weight on and off since I was about 12. So, for about half of my life. I've been up and down and up and down and back up again. But then again, hey that's a lot of people's story. Isn't it?

When I was a kid I was a "normal" size. I loved junk like every kid and my eyes were always bigger than my stomach but I played and ran around outside enough that it wasn't really an issue. Plus I didn't always eat junk. My parents gave us pretty good balanced meals and we rarely ate out so I was alright.

Enter puberty. I ballooned. I was somewhere near the tune of 170 pounds by the time I was 14. This was terrifying at that age. I needed a solution. I had no confidence in myself and thought I was ugly as sin. Then that January when I turned 15 I started Weight Watchers and that's what I needed, guidelines. I did it with my mom and followed it pretty well (albeit illegally...we didn't pay for it) and the pounds melted off. By summer I was 125 pounds. I looked much better but something was still missing: confidence. I still thought I was ugly and that boys didn't like me. And when I lost the weight I stopped dieting. I gained 25 pounds back in about year and a half. I still looked ok but once I discovered that I dieted again and was back down in the 130s.

I was good for the next year or so. I still had a lot of weight watchers habits. Always drank skim milk. Usually measured my food yadda yadda yadda.

I started gaining weight again when I got my license and went out a lot with my friends. We always went out to eat so it only made sense I would gain. THEN I started university and ballooned. By the end of the year I could no longer fit into any of my jeans and was always wearing sweatpants. Everyone else was too but still EW. I also still had no confidence in myself, it was bad.

I did the ol' WW thing again that summer and got down to a good size again. Not sure what my weight was anywhere throughout that because after my initial weight loss at 15 I was always lax with the scale as if I was afraid of what it would say.

And so I gained again when I went back to university in the fall and dieted again the following fall, gradually losing weight again. Over the course of the next couple years I made it to a decent size and weight (again not sure what) but I was ok with it and by 2007 something magical happened. I had confidence in my attractiveness and suddenly the men came in droves. I was happy with my size even though I was nowhere near as thin as I was as a teen but it finally didn't matter.

And so I relaxed. Too much over time. I completely lost all my good habits and gained a bunch of bad ones. I didn't exercise either. I started to gain and at first I was so blissful I didn't notice.

Then I saw some pictures of me last summer. That was a holy shit moment. I was huge! I didn't look at all like I thought I looked in my head. I tried to eat well for a millisecond and lost a few pounds and then just drifted back into bad habits.

I've tried over the last year to follow a plan. Portion size, sparkpeople etc. I couldn't stick to any. I think I was in denial a little bit. I continued to gain and as I did I lost more and more confidence.

Now I hate having my picture taken (I never did before...I liked it even), hate getting dressed in the morning because nothing feels or looks good ( and I love my clothes), don't bother much with my hair, don't really care about my makeup, look in the mirror as little as possible, think that people are judging me and laughing (especially men). And the funny part is, I have a boyfriend. A great one. Who likes me for who I am. For years I was looking for that thinking it would make all my other problems disappear. Weird how that works, eh?

So when the opportunity to do a office healthy eating program came about I jumped at it. I started just this past Monday and I am motivated like Hell. I finally weighed myself for the first time in 3 years and it wasn't pretty (215 pounds!). I know my waist size (42") and my body fat percentage (44%). If that all wasn't motivation to get my ass in gear I don't know what is!!!

I realize now one of my biggest mistakes, aside from eating too much junk and not exercising, is not weighing myself regularly. Denial is a powerful thing. You need to keep that shit in check! I am going to get myself a good scale when I can (I now use the one at the office) and weigh myself every week. I have nothing to be afraid of now! I have seen the worst! If I stay on track it can only get better from here.

It's a long road but I can do it!

So here are a few goals before I end this epic post:

-Lose 55 pounds to get to 160 and go from there

-Get down to a healthy waist size. Something like 33" (or less)

- Get my body fat percentage down to a healthy amount like 30% or less.

These are all achievable and I am going to achieve them!

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